A Broken Love
by GingerNeko
Summary: «I am being honest when I say I never meant to hurt you.» Read and found out what this mean. part two
1. Chapter 1

**A broken love**

**A.N.** _Hello. This is my 2nd Gravitation story. Actually I'm still working on "Where do I belong?" but some events led me into writing this one. This is a real apology. I don't know if this friend of mine will ever read this or not but I needed to write this. _

_I hope you guys like it._

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or its characters. Please, do not sue me.

Where to start? Most people would say 'From the begining'. But I cannot do that. It would take too long. And where is begining anyway? I cannot tell anymore. I do not know when or how it started. I only know where and how it ended. And it ended here, with me, hurting you. And I am sorry.

It was never my intention, to hurt you, I mean. I never wanted to hurt you. Not in a million years. I once said, the day I would hurt you, I would die. But I did not die. And you know why? Because I did not even realise I was hurting you. How could I know? I barely see you anymore. How could I know I was hurting you with my actions?

I am sorry. I am doing it again. I am blaming others for my mistakes. No, not 'others', you. I am blaming you for hurting you. Does it make any sense? I guess not. Because, it is not your fault. I am the one who was, _is_, wrong. _I_ am the one to blame. Me and me only. Apparently, I tend to blame the others for my mistakes. Apparently, I cannot take the responsibility for my own actions. How selfish of me. And I am sorry for that.

I am being honest when I say I never meant to hurt you. I did not. And knowing I did, in fact, hurt you is killing me. Knowing that I am the reason for your saddness is killing me. Knowing that I am the one who made you cry is killing me. And I am sorry.

We have been apart for a long time. But it was inevitable. Our lifes are too different. With time, I accepted this fact. Because when we were together, it was special. It was magic. _You_ made it magic. Your smile, your voice, your touches. It was pure magic. But I had to ruin it, wasn't it? I always ruin everything. I am sorry.

We were growing more and more apart. You wanted to be with me, you wanted to talk to me, you wanted to see me, you wanted a smile from me. But I was never around. I was always busy. I always had other things to do. More important things. More important than you. How stupid of me. How could I think anything was more important than you? How could I put my selfish needs before you? You, the most important thing in my life. The most important person in my life. And I am sorry.

You made me what I am today. You made me a better person. Even if we were, are, so different. Everyone kept saying that we didn't match. 'How can you put up with him?' they said. 'Because I love him' we would say. But they did not see love. They did not see we matched perfectly. They did not see the resemblances. They only saw the differences. They did not see our love. How could not they see our love? Our need for each other? Maybe that is my fault too. And I am sorry.

But I honestly do not care if they understand our love. Our love is for us and us only. We have a bond. A special bond. A physical, a mental and a spiritual bond. And I ruined it. I broke our special bond. And why? Because _I am_ stupid. _I am_ selfish. _I am_ so sorry.

You changed my life. You came into my life and changed it forever. You changed it for so much better. I thank the spirits for that night. The night we met. Neither of us realised the importance of that night in our lifes. It would change us. It would change the people around us. Many times I regretted ever having met you. I know you did it too. But not now. Now we understand that it was the best thing that ever happened to any of us. And I am sorry for ruin it.

How could I be so stupid? We were so happy. Just the two of us. But we let other things get into our happiness. No, not 'we'. 'I'. _I_ let other things get into our happiness. And I did not even needed these other things. All I needed was you. _All I need is you_. _You are my life_. And now I have drove you away. And why? All because of my stupidity. Oh God, I am so sorry.

I could ask for your forgiveness. I could beg for it. But I will not. I have no right to be forgiven. It is all _my_ fault. My misery is my own fault. And I will accept it. What I cannot accept is _your_ misery. But unfortunately, I cannot turn back time and change my actions. Oh, how I wish I could.

_My friend, my lover, my life_. I am so sorry. All I ever needed was _you_. And now you are gone. Now I am alone. What am I supposed to do now? I cannot live without you. I do not know how to live without you. I am lost.

I love you. I love you so much my whole body seems to explode. Believe me, I love you more than life itself. That is why _I cannot live_ without you. And if cannot have you in my life then I might as well _die_.

If you reading this, it means I am dead. I am sorry for all the troubles I gave you. And please, _do not cry for me_. I am not worthy of your tears. You have cried too much already. And now you can finally be happy.

_I love you Yuki. And I always will_.

Shuichi Shindou.

**A.N.** _This is supposed to be one-shot. But if you guys like it and want it, I could write a 2nd chapter. Sort of an answer to this chapter. But only if you want to. Any questions, please feel free to ask me. See you next time._

_R&R! Thanks_


	2. Part Two

**A Broken Love**

**A.N.** _Hello. This is the 2nd and last part of "A Broken Love". Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews. I loved them all. And since many of you asked for a 2nd chapter, I decided to write it. It took me a while, but it's done. I must say it was kind of hard to write this short chapter. I didn't know what direction I should take. Finally, I decided what to do. I hope you like it. Like I said to many of you, this is a short "answer" to the previous chapter. Enjoy._

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or it's characters.

Part Two

Why do things happen the way they do? Some say it's fate. Some say it's destiny. I say it's bullshit. Things happen the way they do because people choose. People make decisions. And most of the time, those choises, those decisions, lead us into our worst nightmares.

One cannot predict the consequences of one's acts. I learn this the hard way. How I wish to turn back time. How I wish to have never left. How I wish to have never loved. Maybe now I would not be suffering.

What am I saying? I will never regret having met you. I will never regret having let you enter my life. I will never regret loving you. Because you changed my life, forever. To better or to worse, you changed my life, you changed the people around me, you changed me. And I thank you for that.

You gave me so much. Happiness, friendship, love. I had loved once. But that love was betrayed and I closed my heart. I did not want to feel pain again, I did not want to be betrayed. So I closed my heart. I became cold, distant, arrogant. I changed. I was a happy little kid - and I became a sad, cold man.

I changed even towards my family. They were always there for me, always supporting me, never blaming me for what had happened. But I rejected their support. I never asked for forgiveness - I never wanted it. So I rejected them all. I detached myself from them.

Then, you came into my life. At first, I rejected you, just like I rejected everyone else. But your persistence slowly melted the ice around my heart. And without any of us realise it, I slowly fell in love with you.

When I told you about my past, you smiled, for you knew then that you were the cure for my 'sickness'. And, in fact, you tried to cure me. I told you to give up, that you would never win my heart. Little did we know, you had already won it. I was just unaware of it.

Then, I finally accepted you as part of my life. No, it's more than that. I accepted you as a part of myself. I realise I could not live without you anymore, just like you could not live without me. It just took me a while to understand it, while you knew it from the fisrt time we met.

But life his funny. When I finally gave you my love, and our lifes seemed perfect, we slowly grow apart. Everytime I tried to reach you, you would leave. You were always busy, you were always away. I needed you, but you weren't there. You always had something more important to do.

Funny how you became more like me, and I became more like you. I needed you. I needed you too much. And I could not bear the pain of being alone again. So, I left you, before you could leave me. Because I'm the one who rejects, not the rejected one. It almost killed me.

I was used to live alone. I needed no one. But the moment you walked into my life, you changed me. Now, I needed you, more than anything. And not being with you was killing me slowly. Was it killing you too? Did you miss me? Did you need me? Did you love me?

Of course you did. I could see it in your eyes. Your love was pure and innocent and it would always shine in your eyes. Everytime I held you, I could feel your love. Eveytime you sang, I could hear your love. _You were love_. Love for me. And I killed that love. I killed you.

How could I be so stupid? I should have fought for you, for our love. But I'm weak. I gave up. And now, I've lost you. I've lost you forever. And it's all my fault. You needed me more than ever. You had lost your way. You needed me to bring you back. But I let you go and now you're lost forever.

It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I'm the one who should ask for your forgiveness. You needed my help, you were going the wrong direction, but I didn't see it. I only saw myself and the pain I felt for being slowly losing you. I should have seen that something was wrong. I didn't. And now, you're gone.

Shuichi, I'm sorry love, I'm so, so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? Can you hear me? Can you feel my pain? People say you went to a better place. Is it better? Do you still need me? Have you forgot me already? I haven't. And I will never forget you. I still need you. How can I live without you? Everything is worthless without you here. I feel so incomplete.

But this is my punishment. I killed you and now I'm all alone. Just like him. But this time is different. This time, you loved me back. This time, it was special. This time it was pure, it was true love.

Shuichi, do you still love me?

Because, I love you.

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The End

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**A.N.** _What do you think? Is it any good or is it just rubbish? Give me your opinion. And once again, thank you for your reviews. And I'm sorry for the long wait. 'Till next time._

_R&R! Thanks_


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